December 1, 1996. Issue 37.
Interview by Gill Pringle, OK! magazine.
"Pregnancy is a big joke that God played on women, and once is quite enough for me," says Madonna, 39, of the recent birth of her daughter Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon. "If I feel the urge for a larger family after this I will adopt." Yes, this is the woman who spent the past five years longing for a child, who suffered three miscarriages before finally learning the joyous news that she was pregnant. But nothing prepared Madonna for nine months of hormonal ups and downs while her baby and biological destiny took control of her once super-trim body. While filming EVITA on location in London, Budapest and Buenos Aires earlier this year, the superstar singer suffered from morning sickness and dizzy spells. Having conceived jus weeks after filming started, Madonna's 84 days of shooting ended just as her expanding waistline began to burst out of the tightly coutured costumes.
"I had plenty to take my mind off my pregnancy during the first few months, since I was so busy filming," she recalls. "The schedule didn't allow much time for introspection or worries. But during the later months, when I had returned to the US, I spent most of my time feeling ugly, fat and lonely. I had haemorrhoids and back pains. My mood swings went from utter delight to the deepest misery. Ask any of my friends!"
For a woman who has always exercised total control of her appearance and life, the physical changes brought on by pregnancy had a huge effect on Madonna's self-esteem. "For most of the time I was pregnant I didn't want to go out in public," she says. "I felt very self-conscious about being the size of a house. Some women find pregnancy very sexy, but I for one had no desire to strip off and show my big fat tummy to the world. It wasn't at all what I had envisioned. I thought pregnancy would be a time of great celebration, especially for someone who had so yearned for a baby.
"That I had a difficult pregnancy doesn't take away from the fact that I am very excited about motherhood. I tried for years to have a baby, and the press reported I'd had several abortions. Nothing could be further from the truth. Why would someone who wanted a baby so badly go and have an abortion? It's crazy stuff, but then I've grown accustomed to all the lies that have been printed about me over the years."
Motherhood is a new role for Madonna. After years of devoting herself to her career, the arrival of Lourdes has altered her outlook radically. "It's a very selfish life when all you have to do is care about yourself." she says. "I think being a mother will be very character-building. Already I feel much more compassionate and tolerant to those around me. I don't feel quite such a dictator any more."
With Madonna's high-pressured lifestyle, it's clear that Lourdes will have no ordinary upbringing. In the American media, there has been much speculation concerning Madonna's suitability as a parent. Unsurprisingly, this is something she reacts to strongly. "I won't exploit my daughter at all," she says. "I want to shield her from the spotlight. I know it's going to be tough, but I want her to have as normal a childhood as I can give her." Asked whether she will raise her daughter as a single mother, she replies emphatically, "No, she has a father. I don't see marriage as my only option. If you live with someone, are you a single mother? I don't think so. I don't choose to define my relationship by marriage, and I don't feel that I have to explain myself to anyone."
Although there is no suggestion that Madonna intends to exploit the birth of her child, she is reported to have video-taped the birth of 6lb 9oz Lourdes at Los Angeles' Good Samaritan Hospital. According to some sources, she's involved in discussions about releasing the tape as part of a video anthology of her life to be released next year. She also kept a detailed diary of her pregnancy ordeals and her agent is currently circulating a proposal for a book based on her pregnancy. While many superstars have used ghost writers for their memoirs, editors of VANITY FAIR magazine were more than impressed by Madonna's intelligent and witty EVITA diaries, which were published unedited in the November issue.
"I'm so sick of people, saying things like, "Oh, but you're so smart, you're so funny," when they first meet me," says Madonna. "It's like nobody gives me credit for being intelligent. And yet anyone can tell you it's hard to get where I have without the brains."
"Lourdes' father, Madonna's former personal trainer Carlos Leon, 29, was with the singer throughout her painful 12-hour labour which ended with a Caesarean section. But while he was there for the main even, Leon obeyed Madonna's wishes to keep his distance during the long nine months, even though this increased her sense of loneliness and isolation.
Like all of Madonna's projects, the superstar believed in being thoroughly prepared for the even, having worked out with an instructor who touted natural childbirth. An Indian medical expert also guided her through her pregnancy , giving spiritual advice, meditation sessions and developing a special mantra for her to use during labour. But as the day grew near, Madonna told her doctor, "OK, 'm a coward. Give me as many drugs as possible. I just want to get through this and get on with being a mother!"
Looking back on the year in which she conceived and gave birth to Lourdes - while fulfilling a long-held dream to star in Andrew Lloyd Webber's EVITA - Madonna conceded that '1996 has been a year like no other. And I've already had a few "like no others" in my time." her life, she says has changed beyond all expectations, not least in playing the title role of the $78 million musical about the life of Argentina's legendary former first lady, Eva Peron. For this much-coveted role, she expanded her vocal range with the help of a voice coach and beefed up her acting skills with the aid of the film's director, Alan Parker.
Has she asked for any guidance to prepare her for her role as a mum? "What? None of those books and all the advice in the world can prepare you for that one!" she laughs. Then her face takes on a sombre look. "Now more than ever I wish my own mother could have been with me. I used to wish she had lived to see my success, but this is the moment I wish her to see more than anything. In a sense, I have felt closer to my mother over the past few months than ever before, experiencing the feelings she must have felt, too."
And will EVITA be the great triumph that has so far eluded he in film. "I've always gone ahead and said what was on my mind in the past, but I feel funny making any pronouncements about EVITA, because it will make me sound immodest," she says. "That said, I do feel a sense that something substantial has occurred, and this movie will receive much acclaim. Making EVITA was something on a different plane to my previous movie-making experiences. I've never been so drained by anything. From the beginning I kissed goodbye the world as I knew it. Learning that I was pregnant halfway through the shoot only contributed to the surreal effect of Buenos Aires, where I was treated as both a goddess and a wicked witch according to people's political beliefs."
It was back in 1994 that Madonna penned an eight-page letter to director Alan Parker explaining why she was right for the part of Eva Peron, even though she knew she was up against competition from the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer, Glenn Close and Elaine Paige.
"When I was eventually chosen, knew I wasn't Andrew Lloyd Webber's first choice," she admits. "I don't think he had much faith in my singing abilities. That's an awkward position to be in, where you feel everyone's just waiting for you to stumble. I consider it an act of God that I got the part."
The filming was very much a learning process that went far beyond improving her vocal and acting skills: "I made it my job to learn as much about Eva Peron as possible, ultimately finding a spiritual bond with this misunderstood woman. The more I learned of Eva's life, the more I felt Andrew's musical was unfair. His point of view was the same as the Argentine aristocracy at the time of Eva was married to the President. They were all against her and viewed her as an opportunistic whore - not that was something I could sympathise with!
"I felt this to be male chauvinist viewpoint; that any woman who s powerful has slept her way to the top. That's the implication right through the musical and it's ludicrous when you consider the truth about this wonderful woman. The real people saw right through the myth, and love her today as they did during her lifetime. In real life it's impossible to have no talent and sleep your way to the top. In Hollywood, maybe, but Eva Peron influenced an entire nation."
Madonna was able to influence Alan Parker to a certain point, but for the rest of the film, she had to go along with Lloyd Webber's ideas. "The process was a lesson in submission," she says. "I've been able to have my way in so many aspects of my life, but sometimes you have to be content with small victories."
That doesn't sound like the old Madonna at all. Has motherhood mellowed her already? We an only wait and see, but one thing is sure. With Lourdes, the original material girl has started a new chapter of life.