Rosie: Please welcome Madonna!
[Madonna comes out with a baby, applause]
R: Well, Mo
Madonna: Yeah?
R: That is a beautiful baby
M: Thank you very much
R: Yeah
M: She's adorable, huh?
R: She sure is, Uh Mo?
M: Yeah?
R: That is not your baby
M: I know [laughing]
R: Why do you have this baby?
M: Because I read in the newspaper that I was gonna come on your show with my baby and I didn't want to disapoint people.
R: Aww, Well that is so nice of you. I think people want to see you mothering, you know that probably why they wanna
M: You think?
R: Yeah
M: Should I show them?
R: Yeah, do a little
M: O.k., o.k. this is how I do it I go.. [to the baby, in a baby voice]
M: Whose a baby pumpkin? Your just a baby chicken, hello, hello [laughing]
R: Cute, show everybody this cute baby thats not yours [awwww, applause]
R: Yeah theres a cute baby, yeah
M: Do you think were scarring, were scaring her for life dong this
R: I don't think we are actually
M: Hi!
R: 'Cause her parents aren't in showbiz you see
M: See, see
R: Oh oh whats a little pumpkin
M: I'm sorry
R: Whats a little pumpkin baby
M: I'm sorry
R: Here's the mom, come get - come get your daughter. One of our staff members, It's a boy
M: Sorry
R: Its a boy, oh come get your son, there you have it, come get your son [laughing, applause]
R: You know, see thats nice of you not to disapoint all of America like that.
M: I aim to please
R: You sure do, They've been hounding you trying to get a photo huh?
M: Yeah, yeah
R: But like my son you don't wanna do that
M: No why, why i'm in showbuisness not my daughter
R: Exactly, give me a high five on that sister friend
M: Yeah! [applause]
R: There you go. Umm... How's she doing? I know she's doing very
M: She's great, she's uh... I've enrolled her in a computer course.
R: oh yeah?
M: yeah [laughing]
R: Sure, get a leg up on kindergarten.
M: Absolutely
R: Yeah, Whats your favorite thing to do with her? Such a vauge question but
M: Umm... Well this is gonna sound really dorky but what I love to do is lay on the bed and talk to her, she started talking so, we just uh... you know we chat, you know she, she's very opinonated I ask her, No I ask her for advice
R: Yeah, Mo she's three months old
M: Yeah I know but
R: She talks?
M: Yeah she talks, and she's all ready making more sense than most people in Hollywood, I have to say [laughing]
R: She-she's, she's very beautiful
M: Thank you
R: And I think my sons got a little crush on her
M: Oh yeah well speaking of your son, I just wanted to umm...thank you for that little present your son left for me in my swimming pool [laughing]
R: Don't go there! Now listen it was an accident
M: Yeah, uh-huh, excuse me my uh...were all in the swimming pool right? And my nephew, he's five years old he's swimming around, he's swimming around and he says to my sister his mother 'Mom, mom look theres some chocolate in the swimming pool!' [laughing]
R: It's true, you know he's a baby he makes mistakes. But it was funny too, he kept going 'look, potty, potty', no, no, no, no
M: And I stayed outta the swimming pool the rest of the week
R: You did, I'm sorry about that. We had a great time though down in Miami, New Years Eve
M: Yeah it was fun we had a nice party. Althought I have to say, I don't really wanna through New Years Eve parties any more it's too exhausting to throw a party
R: Oh yeah, you were tired
M: Well you know your so worried about everybody having a good time that you don't have a good time.
R: That's true
M: And I don't think those William Blake proverbs went over very well
R: And you gotta stop doing that
M: Why? R: You know what she does every New Years Eve? She writes William Blake, who is a very famous
M: Well every year is a different author
R: This year was Blake
M: Yeah
R: He's a poet right?
M: Irish
R: He is I knew it, I totally knew it. And Uh... she writes the proverbs on it, and then folds them up on the paper, hands them out and everyone has to read one at midnight
M: Yeah because it's like, It's New Years Eve and you know it's in between cocktails you know I think it's good to reflect.
R: Yeah, sure
M: You know think about the past, think about the future don't ya think?
R: A bunch of dead guys saying old stuff of dead guys, it didn't go over well.
M: It would have worked if you would have stop saying I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam I am [laughing]
R: I know, I did I did. I wanted to lighten it up a little bit you know
M: Yeah
R: I think it's good to bring in the new year with Dr. Seuss
M: Well next year I think we should bring Barney
R: Barney?
M: Yeah come he can read the proverbs.
R: Is Lourdes into Barney yet?
M: Umm...actually she's not. She's just graduated to Tickle Me Elmo.
R: Oh yeah
M: Yeah I had to drop ten grand for that thing [laughing]
M: And it wasn't worth it because every time I squeezed him and she started and the doll startes laughing she starts shrieking in terror.
R: So a little older, six months their into the Tickle Me Elmo
M: I am instantly suspicious of anything that laughs that much.
R: I don't blame ya
M: She is too
R: I know that you love to sing to her
M: I do
R: Do you know the little song, thats Parkers favorite song- 'Down by the meadow in the itty bitty...
M: Yeah, you wanna do it?
R: O.k.
M: O.k. [They sing together] -Down by the meadown in the itty bitty pool, sawm three little fishies and a moma fishie too, Swim said the moma fishie swim if you can, and they sawm, and they sawm all over the dam. -Boop, boop, dittm, dattm, watm - choo [Madonna Grabs Rosies nose] -Boop, boop, dittm, dattm, watm - choo -Boop, boop, dittm, dattm, watm - choo -and they sawm, and they sawm all over the dam.
R: Thank you very much! [applause]
M: Wait
R: What?
M: Wait a second, don't you know the second verses
R: Theres a second verse?
M: Yeah you don't know the second verse?
R: I don't know the second verse
M: Well see your not a very good mother [awwww]
R: I'm sorry, Whats the second verse? Tell me
M: Well the second verse goes like this: - Swim said the moma fishie don't you, - you gotta do hand gestures
R: II'll make them up
M: Swim said the moma fishie don't you get lost, but those three little fishies didn't wanna be bossed, Swim said the moma fishie, - No thats not right [laughing] - Three little fishie going out on a spree and they swam, and they swam right out to the sea
R: See I know -Boop, boop, dittm, dattm, watm, .....
R: All right, I got it, I got it [applause]
R: But I think your a great mom I do, your really great with her your a great mom.
M: Oh no Rosie your a great mom
R: No your a great mom
M: No your a great mom
R: No your the best
M: Listen you taught me everything I know about my..your a great mom
R: You are a great mom
M: No your a great mom
R: No take it you are
M: O.k. I am a great mom
R: All right, what about me am I chopped liver? [laughing]
M: O.k. your a great mom
R :All right thank you very much. Don't go anywhere were gonna talk about your movies, maybe sing a little something for the people. Yeah, well be back with Madonna after this. [applause]
****Commercial*****
M: It's mine
R: It is? What song is it?
M: Its uh.... It's uh... This use to be my playground
R: This use to be my playground, see that John, from A League of Their Own when we did that.
M: Thats when we met
R: We did, we had fun didn't we?
M: We sure did
R: I was nervous when I met you
M: Yeah?
R: They told me Penny Marshall "Rosie Madonna gonna be here in five seconds, try and make her laugh and she'll do my movie" [laughing]
R: I had diarreah ever tell you that? O.k. I had diarreah
M: lets not talk about that
R: All right, So you having
M: I was just wondering
R: What?
M: Umm...'Cause you do this with the other guests, you usually show like really cheesey tapes of people. You know really embarassing stuff, and I was wondering you know when you were gonna whip out that American Bandstand clip. You know where I'm twelve and I say I wanna rule the world
R: Madonna, you think I would do that to you my friend?
M: Well, you do it to everybody else.
R: I can't believe you people, we have known each other and been close, we've shared holidays, our children are friends. You think that I would roll some cheesey video of you at the Mtv awards in a wedding dress or something?
M: Well I'm not accusing you but I was just wondering, I mean I know your not gonna do that
R: I would never do that, Roll it! [Ro shows clip of Mo at the Mtv awards singing Like A Virgin, she narrates it, laughing]
R: See I like this part where your rolling, Oh baby, here's my favorite thing, look it's like you go in a coma, here we go here's the good part get ready, Do the roll, Do the roll, oh roll over here we go, oh here we, there it is. It's a good thing the rolling, its nice and then it's like your in an a coma. [applause, cheering, Mo is embarassed, face in hands]
M: Well now you know why I did Oprah first.
R: Ahwwww, Oh your hurting people! Your hurting, This is your knife in my heart, thank you very much. Ouch! Actually I saw you on that you were very good
M: Yeah you saw that?
R: I watch it every day, yeah. I thought you were very good on it
M: You know we talked about you
R: Yes, I heard that
M: Yes she a, she said like about three or four times that she didn't hate you Ro
R: I know and I'm glad about that, I don't want Oprah to hate me
M: She doesn't hate you
R: She doesn't
M: She absolutely, I think you should know that
R: I do I know it
M: Yeah
R: yeah, thanks
M: You think that umm... Sally hates you? 'Cause i could go on her show and find out [laughing]
R: Sally Jesse Raphael? i don't think she does Mo, but it would be nice for her if you could help me out in that way
M: yeah, well the point is Oprah doesn't show embarassing footage, and I just don't really think that was very nice of you
R: Oh, I'm sorry I just think it's kidding, it's a joke
M: How would you like it?
R: I wouldn't care
M: Oh really?
R: It doesn't matter to me
M: You wouldn't care?
R: No I wouldn't it's my show I wouldn't care
M: Oh really? O.k. Roll it! [applause, cheers, Mo shows old video clip of Ro]
R: Thats not right becase it's my show
M: Yeah well humph...
R: It's not right
M: Have a taste of your own medicine
R: That was me on Star Search in 1984
M: Nice hair! [laughing]
R: I know what was I thinking
M: You look like a Bay City Roller
R: I did! I looked like a Bay City Roller, my David Cassity phase
M: You kinda look like Dony Osmond [Awwwww]
R: Ohhhh, Don't bring up Dony Osmond! I know you were over in another country shooting Evita but he called me chubby on my own show.
M: Really?
R: For no reason
M: We'll fix his wagon
R: We sure will, all right were gonna talk about Evita after this commercial break so
M: Wait a minute, Do you think that umm...Montel hates you?
R: No, Mo I don't think they hate me now stop with that, geez, We'll be back with Madonna after this break.
****Commercial****
[applause]
Rosie: Madonna as Eva Peron. I told you this privatly but I'll tell you it publicly I am really so proud of you.
Madonna: Well thanks Ro
R: Your really brillant in this film Mo you deserve all the nominations that your getting
M: Thanks
R: And it really moved me to watch the movie, I know it was a long, it was a long time, uh.. the movie was sort of set up
M: It was a long way from third base with Penny Marshall
R: Thats true it sure is, remember that I taught you how to catch the ball in your hat
M: Yeah
R: That was fun, uh..but you got this part by writting a letter to the director
M: Yes
R: Tell everyone that story
M: Well I'd, I actually heard that umm...Michelle Phiffer was doing the movie and, and I just thought oh my God, oh my God I've gotta do something what can I do? And I you know write these letters so I umm... I decided to sit down and put pen to paper and I wrote him this, I don't know it started out as this four page letter and I think it like turned into a ten page letter listing the reasons why I was the only reason, I was the only person who could play her, and uh... I sent it off to him he calles me.
R: And you had a meeting with him and that was that.
M: Yeah, I wipped put the heavy duty knee pads
R: Yeah
M: And I got on my knees and I begged him
R: She begged him she's a mother, she begged him [laughing]
M: Oh my God!
R: They laughed, they went there you see? No, she begged is what she did, you know the 'G' rating
M: That was not in my mind
R: See, you dirty people out there, shame
M: My daughter's watching this
R: Thats right, and my son. They're probably making out back there I don't know [laughing]
M: Ro!
R: He kisses her all the time.
M: You know I could sue you for sexual harassment
R: I know, now days you could
M: Scary
R: Three year old kisses someone there's a lawsuit
M: Scary
R: Welcome to America hello O.J. Simpson [laughing]
R: Anyway, I know that, that scene was filmed actually at The Casa Rosada and that there was some problem in Argentina they weren't gonna have you film there and you had to meet the president.
M: Right, well they thought they had this notion that we were going to make a movie that was going to denacrate, denegrate the image of Eva Peron. So basically I had to meet with the president tell him what the movie was about play him the music and convince him that we were gonna be very respectful and uh....I guess, I guess he went for it.
R: But it was near the bottom, right near the, like two days before you were suppose to leave he finally agreed.
M: Yeah up until the last minute we thought we were gonna have to come to London and do it all on a sound stage and then at the very last minute like all men he finally gave in. [laughing]
R: And where did you shoot most of it? You shot some of it in Argentina and
M: We were in Argentina for about two and a half months, then we went to Budapest uh... for I don't know, a couple of years it seemed and then we went to London and did the rest on a sound stage.
R: And you found out you were pregnant while you were over there
M: Yeah
R: And you didn't tell me I was so mad. Remeber, she came to house
M: I'm sorry
R: She came home for three days, come to my house sitting in my couch talking to me about, asking me all these questions like, oh yeah what kind of Pampers do you use? I'm like premium. Oh yeah and whats your nursrey monitor? Fisher Price. I'm thinking, I go why do you have any news? No, no no I was just curious.
M: Well I couldn't tell you because if I told you and somehow it leaked I would have had to blame you.
R: Right
M: And I don't want to do that
R: Well good M: 'Cause your my friend
R: I know but next time you should tell me because I was scared I walked outta my apartment and there's news crews going what do you think about Madonna? I'm thinking what happened? What?
M: I died of starvation in Budapest.
R: Something you know? Then they told me you were pregnant, I was of course so happy. Now it's been a huge year for you, this great movie and phenominal gift of a baby
M: Huge, absolutely. Do you think Jerry Springer hates you?
R: I don't think they hate me! Enough with that, geez. I love them they love me, now stop. Do you wanna sing a little something from Evita that we change the words to?
[applause, M and R get headset microphones on and sing a spoof of Buenos Aires] R: Just get you mic on M: We changed some of the words R: Check, Check, Check M: Testing 1.., 2.. R: These on? Check..all right you ready? Here we go [Sung to the tune of "BUENOS AIRES"]
R:Madonna, you're a new momma Ba-by Is gonna' change the way you live your life Let me give you advice
M:Rosie, Help me out here, Will I Ever have any time left for me, Is, this how motherhood should be?
R: She will cry, she will pine, she will weep, she will whine, she will fool you
M: Get me up, got me down, run around, I don't sleep, what did you do?
R: Don't make plans for a night out on the town Weekends, home is where you're staying
M: Goodbye, Blonde Ambition This girl Doesn't have the time to strike a pose Throw-up's on my clothes
R:You'll buy Baby Gap, you won't rest, you won't nap you'll be hopping You'll do gymboree, meet Elmo and Barney, without stopping
M: My old bras have all been put away Milk truck is the only role I'm playing
BOTH Stand back, we're new mommies Diapers & blankies
ready to go Washed with Ivory Snow.
R: Thank you very much!
M: Good night!
R: Thank you!
M: Enjoy your salad!
R: Tip the waitress on the way out!
M: Enjoy the veal!
R: Two shows on Sunday!
M: Thank you Goodnight! [applause, cheers]
R: Comin' up next we have Lauren Holly, Lauren Holly's up next
M: Lauren Holly? Do you think she hates you?
R: No! I don't think she hates me!
M: I think I'm gonna stick around and find out
R: Wanna stick around?
M: Yeah I'm gonna ask her
R: All right, Lauren Holly coming up next. Madonna's sticking around
****Commercial****
R: Umm...do we have somebody? Hillary, do we have somebody on the phone? Are you sure it's the right person? Who's on the Phone? Sally Jesse Rapheal: Me! Me! three little fishies in the nitty-bitty-poo
R: Who is it, who is it?
SJR: I don't hate you! I don't hate Madonna!
M: Who is it?
SJR: I don't hate Lauren Holly! I don't hate anybody!
R: It this Sally Jesse?
SJR: Yes
R: Hi Sally Jesse!! [applause]
SJR: Why would I hate you?
R: She doesn't hate me!!!
M: Thank GOD!...............